You Know Me As Lad

I Could Not Sleep Until I Wrote This

About fifteen minutes ago I wrote a status update where I said that I wanted to sleep on my feelings for this book before I reviewed it. The problem is that it's so heavy on my mind that I can't sleep.

This book is so sad, poignant, and beautiful that it's indescribable and there is no way I'm going to do it any justice. I started this book after it was recommended to me. I'd just finished a book that left a bad taste in my mouth and I was looking for one that had a more positive portrayal of mental illness while still being realistic. I didn't know what to expect from Suicide Watch but whatever I was expecting it far surpassed anything I was hoping for.

Vincent broke my heart and then Casper broke my heart right before Adam came along and broke it some more. Once Vincent, Adam, and Casper were all together my heart was ripped to shreds. Their friendship was good and gorgeous because it saved them. It was also the most heartbreaking thing ever because I knew there was heartache coming and these three characters that I loved and felt in my heart were just so broken.

This book portrayed mental illness, emotions, melancholy, death, life, and everything in between in such a realistic way. It does it in a way that didn't make me feel like it was being unfair, melodramatic, or emotionally dishonest.

I cried, damn near sobbed and in the end there was a bit of a smile on my face because I had hope.

This review was not much of a review and more of a rambling mess but I needed to type out something so that this book might stop haunting me long enough to let me get some sleep.

Holy. Hell!

This book messed me up and I loved every perverted, dark, twisted, inappropriate minute of it. Every minute. There is not one thing about this book that I hated and I don't know what the hell that says about me. Ha! Chance Assassin had everything I love, the dark and twisted world with a sweet love story floating around in the murkiness. And this is not two sweet guys in a dark world. This was two screwed up characters in a screwed up world, doing absolutely FUCKED UP things.

It's so hard for me to know how much to say about this book because part of the joy (?) of it is that just when you think things can't get any more messed up...they do. I would hate to say something that would ruin those delicious "Oooohhhh shit! moments for anyone.

Vincent is a 16 year old boy who's just been stabbed doing a job for Charlie. Charlie's old, allegedly a doctor, and a totally perverted creep. Vincent is coming from something much worse than Charlie though, so When Charlie sends Vincent on a job it seems like a gift. Vincent gets stabbed though and we meet him as he's stumbling in the snow toward Charlie's hotel room. Charlie is not the one who opens the door. A tall, dark, and deadly looking stranger does, and that's how this morbid love story begins.

Frank is an assassin and the one to open the door for Vincent. While Vincent (our narrator) talks almost endlessly, is full of lippy comments, and is a beautiful twink of the highest degree, Frank is the opposite. He's quiet, intense, and the strangest mix of passiveness and deadliness. He's also 32 to Vincent's 16. Vincent, however, doesn't care and knows right from the beginning that Frank is meant to be his. Vincent is aggressive when it comes to sex but it's not just sex that he wants from Frank. He wants ALL of Frank.

I should not have been rooting for this relationship. Vincent is 16 and Frank is 32. It is so, so wrong but every time I tried to remind myself of that the chemistry between Vincent and Frank just blew me away. Their interactions and the way they play off of each other is brilliant. I haven't read a M/M where the MCs had better chemistry. It was so strong that it made me forget that Vincent was a minor, not because Vincent didn't come across as a teenager because he did, but because I just knew these two were two halves of a whole. The way I rooted for Vincent and Frank totally fucked with my brain. I couldn't stop myself though.

And then we have the fact that Frank kills people. A lot of people. For money. Frank also has no remorse and at no point in the book does he show remorse. He takes pleasure in what he does and eventually so does Vincent. I should have been appalled because this book doesn't shy away from the death and ugliness. Instead, at more than one point in the story, I found myself laughing while Frank and Vincent ended someone's life. I don't know how the author managed to do that; to horrify me and amuse me at the same time. It wasn't just the character's actions that threw me for a loop, it was also my reactions to those actions. What would have been horrible and stomach turning in another novel was somehow funny and, dare I say it, sweet in this one. It boggled my mind.

There is so much more I want to say about this book, and so much character and plot analyzing that I want to do. So much but I won't because I don't want to ruin it. Just read it. It's fucked up, horrible, sweet, twisted, dark, intense, funny, inappropriate, and absolutely fucking amazing. Read it.

So Freaking CUTE

This story was simply adorable. Adorable like a basket full of kittens, puppies, and baby rabbits.

Auggie is a sweet, overweight geek who loves old detective movies and novels. He's also a chinchilla shifter. I know. Awwww, right?

All That Sweet, Sweet Blood

WooooHoooooo! This time we get Wild Bill's POV and, dammit, I was not disappointed! Wild Bill turns out to be just as lonely and vulnerable as he is sexy and (I didn't think it was possible) it just made him hotter.

Michael has tracked down Wild Bill and Bill just can't help but be drawn to Michael. What happens when Bill tries to actually walk away? Michael shows just how persistent and clever he is. Michael's a lot more wily than I thought he could be and I LOVED IT.

Just like in the first book these two were hot as Hades together. Explosive. Even more than in the first book. All of that chemistry makes me hungry for the next book. Alas, I actually have to sleep at some point tonight, so off to bed I go. As soon as I can, though, I will diving back into this awesome series. As soon as I can.

YES!!!

So, now I've read book one of JCP's Psycop series and book one of this series. It's not a competition but if it was this book would TOTALLY win. I really liked the Psycop book but this book....oh man.

Michael's best friend was killed by vamps and now he's turned himself into a transient vampire hunter. He finally tracks down the vamp who killed his friend and has a seduction plan in place when in walks hotness personified; Wild Bill. Shortly after that, Michael's target shows up but Wild Bill just won't go away. What does that lead to? The HOTTEST FUCKING THREESOME EVER!

Why is it the hottest threesome?

1.) Wild Bill is crazy sexy. I'm not even kidding, y'all. He's this mixture of goth and punk with a little bit of grunginess. He's all tongue rings and leather jackets with studs and safety pins. He's combat boots and ripped jeans. He's so much bad boy that you just want to lick him. Where he differs from other bad boys is that there's also this energetic quirkiness to him. He's not all serious. That just made me love his character even more. Yum!

2.) Michael is sweet, innocent even though he's a vamp hunter, and I was throughly aware that he would happily let Wild Bill. Turn. His. Ass. Out. For people who don't know what that means it's when you get someone addicted to you through sex because your brand of sex is sooooooooo good. Yeah, Wild Bill's sex would blow Michael's pure-as-driven-snow mind. You know those bombs that explode when two liquids mix? If a bottle of Wild Bill's sex mixed with a bottle of Michael's sweet naiveté it would make one hell of a boom.

Now, there's a third person in the mix but I really didn't need him there. *shrug*

And then there's the end. *le sigh* I loved the end. What Wild Bill says made me swoon a little and what Michael does about it is just awesome. Way to be tenacious my little Michael!!

Oh, this story was just yummy and I want more. So much more. Delish!

This goes down TONIGHT! *rubs hands together gleefully*

What Is This Series Doing To Me?!

I thought I would get some closure in this, the second book in the Broken series, but I'm not sure why I thought that. I think I said something about resolution in my review for book one. What THE HELL WAS I SMOKING?

This book. Fucked. Me. UP. It ripped out my brain and stomped on it. It bitch smacked my emotions and then spit on them. My stomach is in knots, I cringed so hard that I'm pretty sure I injured myself, I had about fifty panic attacks and three heart attacks, my eyes were watering, and I felt like my chest was going to explode. What kind of fresh hell did this book drop me into? And yet I couldn't stop reading.

Aaron's torture gets amped up in the second installment and it's off-set by tender moments from Vincent. The tender moments just make it worse; so much worse. Vincent begins "training" Aaron to be a submissive for the man who wants to buy him. This training is harsh, bloody,vicious, and relentless. And the messed up thing? The messed up thing is that Vincent thinks he's helping Aaron; preparing Aaron for what his life is going to be. He's got these soft feelings for Aaron that are so twisted because while he doesn't want to save Aaron he also doesn't want to give him to the buyer. It's messy, very messy.

Meanwhile, we have Aaron's old boyfriend, Sebastian, who is still looking for him. I don't know why but I hate Sebastian a little more every time he comes onto the scene. Something about the fact that his life is going on and he's trying to be happy with his husband while Aaron is being broken and abused, it makes me a little sick to my stomach. It's completely irrational of me to feel that way but I'm pretty sure this story has stripped my ability to be a rational human being while reading it.

And now I have to wait for the third installment in this series. Usually I hate waiting but this wait gives me a chance to catch my breath before I jump back in. I have no idea what's coming next but, man, I can't wait to see.

I Have No Words...Wait...Yes I Do

Good lord almighty don't ever save me from the beautiful mind fuck that is Kol Anderson's screwed up fictional world. This book turned me out more than [b:Slave|18225687|Slave|Kol Anderson|http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1374582963s/18225687.jpg|25660296] and I did NOT think that was possible.

Aaron is an escort who's in love with Sebastian, who started out as one of his clients. One night Aaron leaves Sebastian to go and meet Vincent who is a new client. Vincent seems like a regular guy at first, if supremely good looking. He's nice...until he's not so nice anymore. Shit goes downhill reaaaaaaaally FUCKING FAST! I wasn't ready y'all. I. Was. Not. Ready.

Vincent turns out to be one of the most twisted, money hungry, pain hungry, son of a bitches ever. The things he puts Aaron through made me want crawl out of my skin. The worst parts were when Vincent was being nice. I just wanted him to stop...just stop. Well, I wanted him to stop until there's some little glimmer of him maybe softening toward Aaron. And this is where Kol Anderson fucks my shit all up AGAIN just like in Slave. I thought to myself that maybe Vincent would redeem himself and rescue Aaron. What is wrong with me?! How does this author get me to want the most screwed up of characters to somehow fall in love??? It's crazy!

There's so much more to this story but I don't know how to comment on it until I get some resolution in book two. I don't know how to comment other than "GIMME MORE!!".

Holy. Fucking. SHIT.

There are so many issues that I should have with this story, so many, but I cannot think of one thing I want to complain about right now because this short kept me GLUED to my Kindle. I did not even take a break to do one status update. That's how into this I was.

Jesse is a sub whose master, Matt, has cheated and left him. To say Jesse is lost would be an understatement. Emotionally, Jesse is a hot mess and things only go downhill when he takes up with Noah who is the WORST masochist in the club. I'm not sure how to explain how twisted Noah is but here's the thing...Kol Anderson did something in this book that really fucked with what I wanted to think of Noah. I won't give details but at one point Noah makes a mini-speech to Jesse that made me see Noah as much more than just an abusive asshole who was beyond help. Was he an abusive asshole? Yes, but that little speech made me want a story where Noah learns to be someone better because I saw something sad and broken in him.

Now, as for Jesse, he takes a very interesting journey in this little story. He's so messed up that he's allowing himself to go beyond what is healthy within the BDSM world. He's letting someone legitimately abuse him. The reason I was glued to my Kindle was that I wanted to know if Jesse was going to make it through or if he was going to end up dead because shit was seriously spiraling. Out. Of. Control. There was a large part of this story where I was not sure how things were going to turn out.

And then there was Matt who Jesse was pining for and who kept popping up, making it impossible for Jesse to completely forget him. Matt was a mystery until he wasn't. I'm actually not going to talk too much about Matt because I think it would ruin an aspect of the story I really appreciated.

In Slave Kol Anderson gave me three characters who were very far from perfect. The dynamics of the relationships were in many way screwed up, in some ways unhealthy, but in some ways understandable. They were also utterly complicated and so very messy, but that's most of life isn't it? It was refreshing to see that in a story that didn't flinch away from all of that while not, at least to me, feeling forced.

Was the writing here perfect? No. No, it wasn't but the story grabbed me so hard and I wanted to know where it was going so badly that I just didn't care.

I know I probably won't get it but I hope this gets turned into a series and Noah's story gets told. I feel like through all of the insane, screwed up shit in that character's head there is some way for him to redeemed. That would be a compelling story to read.

This book is not for everyone but I'm damn glad I read it.

ETA: A Release date just got tweeted. YAY!!!!!!

Oh, angsty brocest, you are my kryptonite. Even more than Jan Irving. I'm not even kidding, y'all. More addictive than JAN IRVING. I don't know if I've added all of the brocest/twincest books I've read but it doesn't matter because right now I'm too busy being all "GIMME GIMME GIMME NOWWWWWW!".

That Time When I Almost Cursed Out A Short Story (And Deleted A Bunch of Stuff)

Okay, people, this review is about to be full of spoilers coming out the ass like it drank a whole bottle of Southern hot sauce, followed by a bottle of prune juice and gallon of hot water. WARNING: Nothing is in a spoiler tag, so if you don't want spoilers do not read this review.

Despite the fact that this story was free I somehow ended up feeling like I'd been cheated.[here is where I deleted a whole rant on how I'm allowed to rant about free stories, FTW] The story tried to be all *sweet sweet sweet (surprise!) HARDCORE* which clued me in to the fact that it was trying to shock me with a twist. Oh, plus there was the little note at the end that basically said "hey, tried to shock you" which is what really pissed me off. The story did NOT shock me and I would rather have read something that focused on really good story telling rather than cheap tricks.

This is the story of a couple who've been together for seven years, one guy loses his job and stops being the other guy's Dom. They get vanilla, jobless guy gets distant, the sub is all tears of a clown. This could have been a sweet, touching, and sexy story about two men finding their way back to one another. [right here I got a little rage-y and I had to delete the plethora of F-bombs my fingers pounded out because, seriously, it was a blitzkrieg] Usually I try not to focus on the story I think should have been told but the beginning of this tale was begging to end in a completely different way than the direction in which it was taken.

So, these guys, they take a vacation to a cabin and the sub tops the Dom in an attempt to have some kind of kinky sex. It's not fulfilling but the next morning the Dom seems to be back in effect and ties the sub up, sticks a catheter in him, makes him piss in a bottle and then lets him nap. At this point the story is just a better written version of a Sean Michael book. By this I mean that I wasn't going "Oh, wow, I was NOT expecting that!" because it's made clear from the beginning that these two were BDSM lovers. [I had to take this all down a notch because there were a lot of caps going on in this here paragraph, screaming like a drill sergeant on meth]

I would have been okay with just being disappointed at that point. It happens with books; nothing new...but then the sub wakes up to his dick in a bottle of wasps. *sigh* And here is another point where I'm supposed to be all "WHAAAAAT???" but what I did was roll my eyes. Maybe I'm jaded or maybe I don't fully understand the horror of having your dick in a bottle of wasps and so I couldn't take it seriously...I don't know. [okay, see how right there I tried to make it seem like it was all me? that's not how that sentence went at first, trust me]

In any case, I respected the sub because he safeworded and basically said he didn't want his dick in a bottle of wasps. I can respect that but the Dom couldn't. The Dom just ignored him and said that the sub didn't mean it. [I didn't delete anything right here but I had to stop and take a few breaths because my ire would have surley caused fire to shoot from my fingers and melted the keyboard]

I don't practice BDSM but even I know about safewords. They mean that everything stops they don't mean "why don't you think about ending this scene while these wasps sting the shit out of my dick and I lay here so fucking scared that I might just stroke the fuck out at any second". [I tried deleting that whole thing and making it sound less...well, just less, but obviously I was not successful]

That whole scene still wasn't shocking me. It just made me want to curse out a fictional character for being ridiculous. Unfortunately, the story wasn't done yet. The Dom decides he needs to be reminded every day that he and his sub are BDSM-tastic. In order to do that he needs to cut his name into his man's flesh. With a spork. Really? I'm supposed to take something involving a SPORK seriously? Oh, and when the sub allows it followed by him allowing the Dom to rub toothpaste into the wound as he talks of keeping it open for days on end, I decided that they deserved one another. They also deserved for the sub to develop blood poisoning. Nothing says "I love you" like some good 'ol sepsis.

This story annoyed the crap out of me because it felt like it wasn't true to itself. I don't spend my time reading stories just to see what the craziest things are that people can think up even if those things make no sense in the story. I read books because I'm expecting a good, entertaining, and engaging tale. This was none of those things.

I NEEDED to write a review for this because, well...AWESOME

When I bought this little story last night I was not expecting what I got. I love interracial romance, and black/white is one of my favorite pairings (black/Asian is a close second but that's hard to find in IR books). I also love military men, especially SEALs. So, I knew I was going to at least like this book if neither character was an ass.*

*Let me explain the "characters being asses" statement. M/F IR romance that is black woman/white man has a really annoying trend that runs through the genre; the immature/bad attitude having/mean/selfish/annoying heroine syndrome. For some reason a lot of these authors (most of them women because I haven't yet read any by a man) equate strong black woman with being an ignorant, childish harpy full of bad attitude who treats people like crap. I don't know why they seem to think this is acceptable or cute but someone really needs to clue them in and help them see past stereotypes.

So, when I bought this story I was expecting a sweet little military romance that was a bit sexy. What I got was an amazing story of a deep love that spanned over two decades and grew out of childhood friendship. I got a story of a military man struggling with physical injuries, mental injuries, and an addiction. I also got the story of the woman who has stood by him, loved him, and been his best friend for as long as she can remember. I got Zuly and Fitz's story.

Zuly and Fitz have been best friends ever since a very young and wild haired Fitz saved a very young and wild haired Zuly from a wolf spider on the playground. Actually, they are more than best friends, they are each other's oxygen, each one's heart beats for the other. Without Fitz there is no Zuly, and without Zuly there is no Fitz. I have never believed more in two characters being soulmates than I did with this book. It should have been corny, too mushy, and I think in the hands of most authors it would have been. In Nikki Winter's hands these characters were believable in how...solidly they loved each other. It was so fierce and ran so deep that it was almost aggressive. It was also backed up by over 20 years of friendship that cemented how connected Zuly and Fitz were.

After fifteen years of being a Navy SEAL, Fitz is honorably discharged after being injured and what was all together a horrible situation. He comes home and refuses to see or talk to his family and Zuly. He's damaged and has been living in an alcoholic haze for two months. He needs help but refuses to take it from anyone, especially Zuly, the other half of his soul and the person who matters the most.

Fitz's pain and situation was so heartbreaking. What a soldier goes through after what they've seen and done is portrayed really well in this story. It's not glossed over and it's not solved and magically healed by love alone. The toll that military service takes on the soldier and on their family is a big part of this story. I wasn't expecting that but I'm so glad that this book tackled the subject and didn't shy away from it. At one paoint Fitz thinks that he's never going to be the person he was before he went into the military. He's hardwired differently after what he's seen and done.

At the end of this book, even though it's a short novella, I was as satisfied as I would have been with a full-length novel. I loved the beginning, I loved the middle, I loved then end; I just loved it, plain and simple.

I want this book to be out now! NOW! October 29th is too far away.

This book almost broke me. I've read a bit of Sean Michael and this had the most sex out of any of the ones I've read. There were a lot of typical Sean Michael in this though.

A sub who cried during his first enema from the embarrassment of doing it in front of his Dom. Oh, and the enema in the shower where everything goes neatly down the drain. I could swear that solid crap comes out during an enema so...I don't know what happened to that.

The secret/unwanted/reluctant piercing experience. Once again the sub, Nat in this case, got pierced though he wasn't really sure he wanted to be. Pushing boundaries, my friends. Pushing boundaries.

The stuttering, incomplete sentences. This comes mostly from Nat because he's the small, beautiful sub who's all overcome with the experiences.

The tattoo that proves the sub is claimed. At least the tattoo was agreed upon this time.

Lots and lots and lots of sex. This one even goes one step further where Richmond, the Dom, has sex with Nat and keeps his come in Nat by constantly having him wear a plug. Yup.

All in all I liked this story despite the fact that there wasn't any plot. Sean Michael's stuff is pure crack. Pure pure crack attack.

I'm DYING to read this but can someone please give me some spoilers in a PM or spoiler tags? Bittersweet? HEA? Really sad with no HEA? HFN? I'm definitely reading it but I think I need to be prepared.

Amy Lane once again fed my need for really good and shiny fluff. F*cking A, man! More detailed review to come.